For Judi

So much history over so many years. It all seems to fast forward,  packing every second with images, sounds, and impressions of this lady who was a part of most of my adult life. Of course, I met Judi at Mr Travel .   On her arrival, I was immediately made aware in whispered tones ; “That’s the relative,” a reference she grew loathe to in her years on the job. We were immediate friends.  I was introduced to Judi’s family early on with invites to her basement apartment.  I became acquainted with her daughter Michelle, the light and love of Judi’s entire life, when she was still a very young lady.  Those two were even more inseparable as Judi became a single parent.

 I remember Judi in her mammoth Buick Electra, vinyl roof flapping as she drove on the Outer Drive.  I swear Judy handled that behemoth of an automobile like it was a golf cart. She could squeeze that car into parking spaces no one else would ever consider.  Judi ruled the road like she with did her life. She had unwavering conviction and purpose until the very end.

Judi and I had special gifts we gave each other for years. On our respective birthdays Judi would make me her special banana cake (mine was with nuts- unlike Jeff’s)  with chocolate frosting so rich it was (as Judi would say. )  “to die for;”  and I would make her my crab and cheese- stuffed mushrooms.  One year we went to Greece on a office trip. It was my birthday. Judi carried a banana cake all the way on the plane and through customs to the hotel until later, when we celebrated in a little tavern in the Plaka of Athens with Roditys and banana cake.

At work we would laugh together as Judi,  her  deep voiced “Julie Jones” work persona  forever being mistaken for a man on the phone, as often as mine was for being a woman.  Through all the years working so close, Judi became like a big sister.  And like siblings, we had battles.  Both were so stubborn we sometimes held hissy fits that lasted way too long, but the love was always there to overcome and we’d eventually reach out to one another and cry;  and with tearful reunion, move to our next chapter.

I’ll never forget how Judi looked at daughter Michelle’s wedding. Her blue gown was resplendent and Judi actually glowed. I mean she actually radiated.   It was to become one of the highlights of her life. I found that mentioning this in front of her for years would bring a broad smile, as she relived that wonderful day. Judi had a bond with Michelle stronger than any other mother and daughter I ever saw.

That bond was to be tested later as Michelle suffered a misfortune that she never recovered from.  I saw Judy’s intractable strength as she sat bedside, attending to her daughter. It was a devastating time for her.  I was honored that Judi chose me to eulogize Michelle .  That honor again visits me today.

I want to remember my dear friend as one who marked so many lives with her sharp wit and earthy outlook. Nothing much fazed Judi outwardly.  I want to remember Thanksgiving up at Sid’s Wisconsin home with Judi; and Barbara and Gloria and Samuel… and of course, Sid.   I want to remember a drunken Judi dancing on my feet  at a co-workers wedding. I want to remember Judi schlepping the luggage for 16 people in a station wagon driving from Sacramento’s River raft location to Reno on an agency trip.  I will remember Judi  stopping a drunken me from going off with some Arab family upon arriving in London.

I want to remember Judi, Mona, Ellen and I buying out the entire refreshment cart on a train from Milan to Monte Carlo, and then barricading ourselves in our compartment refusing to share.

These are the things that wove the tapestry of our rich history together. We were integral to the Mr Travel family .  I was granted an inside view in the many invitations to Holidays. Bar and Bat Mitzvah’s,  Yom Kippur’s ,and weddings.  Judi was my guide to Jewish customs . She was unique.  If you were a friend to Judi, you were a friend for life.  Friends like Meryl , Flo, and  Mona were her treasures.  They , and an expanded circle, along with family, were the purpose and reason for Judi’s life.  And a full life she has led. 

Months ago in one of our regular conversations, Judi , on a particularly dark day, mentioned to me she wanted to go be with Michelle. I became angry, telling her that was selfish.  I said, “Judi, you always  have that option, but who do you think you are to leave all of us who are not ready to be without you? How could you do that to us?” 

Now, Judi was a master of Jewish guilt, but she recognized the truth in that. I think that was the only time she ever shrunk from my words and agreed to my logic .  I know because the fight she put up in the next six months was stalwart, with the conviction of and strength of a heathy Judi.  She was wasting inside with all that was thrown at her , but  from outside, she presented as strong. Judi was so proud of that quality.  In those many honest and serious talks we had toward the end, Judi only wept twice, even then only briefly.  In our last conversation Judi and I talked of what plans she could make for Hospice.  She still had options. But she told me she was very tired.  I knew she was grasping for respite.

That resolute woman .That woman of substance. A friend in my heart forever that I now envision being reunited with her greatest love; her daughter Michelle.  There is much they have to talk about .

Today,  I will think of all those years Judi Cogan has been in my life- an integral part of my time on this planet.  Now that she has left us, I will exhale relief knowing that she has been released, leaving us to remember her as someone very special .

My tears are temporary , Judi, but your memory is forever.