I have decided to supplement my Social Security Income by becoming a Fairy Godmother independent contractor. Please be advised of my schedule of charges.
Bibbity Bobbity Bo incantations $1
Simple taffeta and tulle ball gown To size 6 - $250
“Post” Princess plus sizes add $200 (no half sizes)
Slightly used Gypsy wedding dress $89.00
maternity ball gowns not available at this time
Fitting with 3 bluebirds ribbon draping (extra) $25
grackle bird substitutions (minus) $12.40
Birds accompanied by orchestral ditty $1299
Birds accompanied by cd of “Indian Love Call” or “Tiny Bubbles”- free
ear plugs $4.99
birds baked in a pie $14.00
Pumpkin transmutations $14,439
substitute Lexus rental (subtract)- $14,239 (9 hours)
rent a wreck ‘58 Cadillac Fleetwood $140
Punch- Fairy Godmothers do NOT do fuckin PUNCH ! No exceptions
Lizard footman attire rental $159
Lizard incantation transformations $1239 (each- two minimum) gratuity uncluded
Two bums off the street ( no charge) alcohol extra
draft horses (white- subject to availability ) $579
Melvin Pritchetts nag and a jackass $10
250 lemmings in harness (event may Not be near a cliff) $1200
painted elephant prop from old Cher concert with two (union) men to ambulate it $400 ( 8 hours -minimum)
Baccarat crystal slipper rental $20 ( udder balm for blisters $3.98 plus tax)
K mart clear flip-flops $4.99
Duct tape foot binding $1.49 plus time charges
Pre ball Cristal Champagne and caviar $325
milk and Oreos $3.49
4 shots of moonshine ( included in base pricing)
Desani water $1.00
Staying home with a passable male escort in undersized leotard or thong $1299 plus dvd rental charge
(delete gown)
substitute dildo for escort (subtract $!280) no returns on this item
Fairy Godly and Motherly advice $1.00 per question (prepaid in US dollars) No bitcoins accepted
Fairy Godmother shipping and handling magic - priceless
economy class travel on Southwest $129
Cocktails (for Fairy Godmother) $1200
Please inquire for special orders and Bat Mitzvah pricing
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